Wake up and live! (Dealing with depression)

You're worth everything.

So since the unfortunate death of Robin Williams and his suicide; depression has come to light a bit more with the surrounding media and fortunately people are starting to speak up about it a little bit more than before.

What I've noticed from browsing social media and from doing some research recently is that a lot of people who are posting about their depression or just taking the first step and admitting that they suffer or have done in the past all seem to write: 'I'm not ashamed any more'. 

- First off depression isn't something to feel ashamed of, it's one the most common mental illness' in the world and it comes and goes in all of us. Some more than others, granted. But still all of us. Some times it can last for just a short period of time; for example, if something has happened in your life recently like the loss of a loved one. And sometimes it can hang around a little longer than we'd care for. It's like that bad smell in your fridge which you can never seem to find what food is causing it. 

I've written a post about depression before which can be found (HERE) so I'll try not to be too repetitive. In that post I spoke mainly about the facts of depression and looked a little closer to the figures.
I haven't planned this post in the way I would usually plan one, it's just come to mind and I'd like to regroup with you all a little bit.

Okay so with out rambling as best I can, I want you to see this post as I'm envisioning it in my head - two friends over a coffee and you've come to talk to me so we can have a heart to heart.

I suffer from depression. Yeah; if you hadn't of already guessed from my previous post I am now typing it out load. Back in June - June 30th to be more pacific I went to my doctor and cried my little heart out and left the surgery diagnosed with a series of illness' one of which being 'severe depression'.
Do you think I am a weaker person now for telling you that? I'd like to hope not.
A lot of people hide behind it and try and shove it into the back of their wardrobe, tip a load of clothes on top of it and pretend it's not there.
I did that too. It's taken me almost 3 months to be able to type that out loud and one of the main reasons for my blog was so that I could come here and get everything out of my head and into words for you guys to read - if you wish to.

However, those clothes will only last a certain amount of time before they get creased and have that funny clothes smell. You know when you can smell they're full of dust? So eventually you're going to have to take them out and hang them out to air one day.
That's how I see depression, not just in myself but in the others around me.
It's something we're all so afraid of, afraid of admitting, talking about, and even showing. But one day you've got to air it out - I'm sure you'll feel better for it eventually.

So why do people feel so ashamed to say they suffer? If you're asking me that question I'd say because it's a 'typical illness' a lot of people think anybody can get away with saying they have - just for some attention (which will bring me on to my next point in a mo!).
It's not plastered up in a cast, there isn't a massive bandage wrapped round it or an ice pack sitting on top of it to take away the swelling - ergo it's something you have to admit to people, it's something you have to bring up and actually speak about.
No one can sign your mind with a black marker pen and write 'Get well soon buddy'.
It's all in the mind, it takes up the space you let it inhabit.

"They're just saying it for attention, it's all bull" - this is one of my main pet peeves when it comes to this generation. Unless you can write on somebody's cast in that black marker pen, it mustn't exist.
But can I just stress as best I can without going off on a angry tangent - EVEN if somebody is doing it just for attention, that speaks volumes too! Why do they feel the need to create illness' just to get some attention? That's an illness' in itself and you have to tread very carefully when you're going to start pointing the finger and deciding you know somebody better than themselves.
Lets say it is just attention seeking behaviour that's a cry for help in itself. Step back and realise the severity of what they're saying.
I know people who do just come up with 'illness'' for attention - there is a massive difference in somebody claiming to have every illness under the sun to someone finally speaking up, even if they do generally seem happy - depression can still happen in the happiest of minds.

The road to recovery - This is the hardest path you're probably ever having to walk down, however there will be a time in your life when you reach the end of it. I can only give so much reassurance through a blog post unfortunately, but I just want to stress to the maximum - you're not alone lovely. It's a common illness and there is help available if you're willing to use it. "You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves" . 
Grab hold of what ever it is that makes you happy and cherish it - go for walks, take up a new hobby, spend more time with your loved ones.
Mainly, just appreciate your place on this earth, you're worth so much more than all your negative thoughts. You're beautiful from the core and outwards, you were brought in to this world to shine so do it and don't give up on yourself.
I understand you're going to have your bad days and everything might seem dark now but step back and look at what's around you, whether it's your other half, kids, best friends or just something you enjoy.
Take all that negative energy that's so tiring and channel it into positivity. It may seem hard at first but you'll find your feet soon enough.

Yes the world is big and scary, and it's so judgemental - understood. But you're better than anyone else's judgement. The only opinion that matters about you, is yours. So give yourself a break and work on that :)!

Thank you for reading. Just remember to keep smiling - you're beautiful!

Lots of love.
TTFN!
xxx

Keeping the fire burning...

 "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."-Oprah Winfrey

So recently I had a very good and close friend of mine open up a little bit about his current situation with his girlfriend, for obvious reasons I have to keep him anonymous - but the main 'problem' in their relationship right now is that she isn't happy with the lack of passion between the two of them.

Relationships are like a full time job, even for those who have found their soul mates struggle at the best of times. Unfortunately humans aren't robots who can be programmed to exactly what we like/want out of them. No body is a mind reader and there's times in EVERY relationship that the pair of you are going to mess up, even if it's over something as trivial as buying the wrong brand of beans; it doesn't take much to set someone off, especially if they've had a lot going on in their head recently. 

Back to my friend - so, like I mentioned he came to me with this problem and just to have a little bit of chat.
Now I've never been asked on advice for passion before, when he text me I was little stuck in answering, so I asked more questions whilst I had a good think of some advice I could possibly offer...

If you're struggling in a relationship right now, or you're trying to handle the same problem as this one here are my tips that I think could potentially help...

1. Show your love in small, adventurous ways - 
Everybody loves something spontaneous, especially women. I don't think I know anybody who wouldn't love to come home to a little note on their pillow, or hidden somewhere they're going to find it easily. Bring home something sentimental you know they're going to love, even if it's their favourite packet of sweets, cook dinner for them - something they've said they have felt like for ages but haven't got round to making. You'd be surprised how much of an impact the little gestures can make. 

2. Shake, shake, shake, shake, a' shaaaaake it! 
Who doesn't like to rock the boat a little bit some times?  You need to push through the 'I'm fed up' barrier that's going on right now. Try something new, take up an activity or hobby together. Even going for a day trip and having a picnic is something that gets you both out of the house. Go see a play, a comedy show or if it's on a tight budget - cook something brand new together, learn together and achieve together.

3. Be generous with your praise - 
This applies to both sides of the relationship. 'You look absolutely beautiful/handsome baby'. Now come on, who doesn't like to hear that? Feeling appreciated is one of the main keys in a relationship, especially if one of you isn't feeling so 'hot' so to speak. Even manners are a massive thing, saying 'thank you' or just offering a hug once they've done something for you is special. Acknowledge and value your partner, show them how much you appreciate them in your own unique ways - and I'm sure they'd be very grateful for it.

4. Create an intimate time - 
We all become so surrounded and drowned with technology and social media. It's easier these days to just text somebody something rather than discussing it in person. Something I've seen often in a relationship, is the two people sat their both on their phones and only communicating if they see something they feel the need to comment on, on Facebook. That is not healthy under any circumstances. 
Pack it in! Put your phones away in a draw or turn them off, either or.. And just enjoy each others company, put your favourite film on that has made you both laugh numerous times and cuddle up with a good drink and some goodies! It's going to do no harm to you or your social media status if you don't go on-line or post a status for one whole night! Cherish the time you get to spend together. Obviously I know it's healthy to have that balance, it's important to have your own space and your own time; but if this is becoming a regular problem and communication is starting to die down, rectify it whilst you still can. 

5. Communication: Clearly, honestly and frequently.
 My last 'tip'; I've probably mentioned this a thousand times already when I'm giving relationship advice, however I don't think there is anything more important than them 3 mini points. You can't get anywhere with that frog in your throat.. sorry I can't understand you properly! Clear that throat, know what you want to say and what the problem is or something you'd like to change, take a deep breath and go for it! You will feel so relived afterwards, there's nothing worse than something eating you up inside.
Honesty. Sorry I don't remember the last time lies worked in a relationship, do you? Honesty is MASSIVE, let me repeat M-A-S-S-I-V-E. How do you expect any relationship to work if it's build up on lies and manipulation? Nip that in the butt right now, honesty is the best policy and you might actually get somewhere if you tell the truth and you're honest with your partner.
Frequency. Don't let things build up inside, you owe it to yourself to let your feelings out and you owe the respect to them to share what you're feeling. If you don't frequently open up one day you're going to explode and that might just be that one push too far...

Thank you for reading, like I often say read this as myself talking to you over a coffee in a friendly way. Think about your situation and now put your best friend in your shoes, what would you say to them if their relationship is struggling? 

Respect yourself, don't just stick around if the flames gone out. You deserve the best, do you hear me? The absolute best lovely :)!

Until next time my loves,

TTFN xxx

Let's have a chat (Anxiety)

"Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) - GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event.

People with GAD feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. GAD can cause both psychological (mental) and physical symptoms. These vary from person to person, but can include feeling restless or worried and having trouble concentrating or sleeping."

So since my blog post yesterday did quite well and I got some positive feed back, I thought I'd make 'Let's have a chat' into an advice series. Like I mentioned yesterday I do not mean to be condescending in any way whatsoever, just see it as two friends having coffee. 

As I mentioned in my always running post (< which I've linked) that I recently got diagnosed with a series of things, severe anxiety disorder being one of them, which I now take daily medication for on the highest dose. 
But I don't want these posts to just be about me and my experience, obviously it'll be touched on but I'm here to try help you so lets get cracking...

Do you ever feel trapped? 
I'd be amazed if your answer was 'no, never in my life' - anxiety comes in all forms and it's basically a fancy word for worried/nervous. You often get that knot feeling in your stomach before an exam, interview or something similar - it's common and completely normal.

However anxiety ranges on a scale, like 1-10 and there will be people who suffer in small situations such as I've exampled ^ or there will be some people who can't leave their house because of it. Not only does it range but there are many different forms, most common is social. 

I know first hand that when you first start suffering with anxiety or when your head starts coming to the realisation that you might be suffering from symptoms you start freaking out more because it can be quite confusing and you're so unsure of what's happening, however I would just like to stress the best I can YOU'RE NOT ALONE, anxiety disorder is unbelievably common and it's one of the worst feelings in the world when you think you're alone and that no one will understand or comprehend what you're going through, but seriously there's so much help out there and you can even find it on the internet (I'll post some useful links).

Every body will go through a stage of anxiety in their life, however if yours has started to effect you daily, if it's causing you to isolate yourself or starting to make you antisocial I urge you to go see your GP. I know it's a scary thought, there's nothing worse than when that feeling or thought you've known for long time becomes real; but it might not be as bad as you're thinking it is. Part of it could always be linked to the worry of actually going to see your GP, you might even feel a sense of relief. On the other hand your GP might diagnose you with everything you already thought and you might be put on medication, there are many different types of anxiety medication but it's there to help, obviously some are stronger than others but no matter what it is or dosage, it's there for you - to help you. 
(It's very uncommon for them to give medication, they'd usually try a different strategy first) 

One of the most common feelings whilst suffering from anxiety is the thought of feeling trapped. You're not trapped in anything in this life, there's a way out of everything. If you're starting to panic in public or at a friends house just take yourself a way for a few minutes, either on your own or with a friend and breathe. Sounds like simple advice right? Just breathe. However it's the most effective, you need to reduce that heart rate that's just shot up and get your breathing back to a normal breath. Look at the sky, take in what you see around you, count to 40 sheep, or simply just sit down and close your eyes and focus on your body. You can get out of every situation, you can take yourself home or to somewhere you feel safe. That's the most important, making yourself feel safe and comfortable. 

Friends - If you're a friend to somebody who suffers from anxiety, patience and talking are going to have to become your best skills. You need to put yourself in the shoes of the person taking the panic/anxiety attack and realise that even if it's a hindrance to your day, they're struggling and they need you now more than before. Usually chatting away to the person who's suffering will help as it'll give their brain a different focus. Tell some rubbish jokes, tell them about your most recent one night stand or even what your mums cooking you for dinner, it really doesn't matter.  Reassurance is a huge key, they're not alone and you need to make sure they know that.

To end this post -  The longer you put off help the longer you're going to have to deal with it. Doctors are there for a reason, so give them that reason to do their job ;)

But on a more serious note; keep yourself safe, surround yourself by your nearest and dearest, don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

SIDE NOTE! I just wanted to say a massive thank you to anybody who's read my blog so far, it's only been live 23 days and already received thousands of views which is mind blowing! Also a massive thank you to Marcus for sorting out my domain name. 

If you have anything you'd like me to cover please feel free to let me know, I'm always open to suggestions :)

As always my loves, have a fantastic day, keep smiling and remember nothing lasts forever! 

Until next time - TTFN :) 

xxx 

Useful links:

NHS anxiety mental health disorder

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

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Instagram: KIRSTIE_HOWARTH

Let's have a chat (relationship)

"Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship These relationships involve feelings of liking or loving one or more people, romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual relationships, or emotional and personal support between the members. Intimate relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments."

This post is going to be a bit of personal advice post for relationships or whatever it is you're going through right now.
I've been in two serious relationships, both ended very differently and they both had their problems. When they ended it felt like the end of the world to me, I really thought I would spend my days crying and missing them all the time. Initially it was difficult; as it would be for anybody but you do get over it. If you're going through a break up right now -

1) You're not alone, make sure you're surrounded by the people who love you and care about you

2) It does get easier, one from girl to another - it gets easier. You're going to have your 'down days' but in the grand scheme of things they really aren't worth your tears because you're going to move on anyway. 

3) It's normal to miss them and you're going to want to check your phone constantly but really you're doing yourself no favours. Preoccupy yourself, do something you've always wanted to do because at the end of the day if your phone isn't going off they're not getting in touch with you either.

So on to the main advice..  

First of - you MUST be happy, whether that's with the guy you're in a relationship with, seeing and just generally in yourself. You want to be around someone who brings out the best in you and isn't making you feel low about yourself, if you're not happy with what's going on or in yourself when you're thinking about the relationship that's a clear warning sign right there. So, are you happy?

Make sure you're appreciated, I've been in a relationship myself and known of relationships were you're just not feeling appreciated. Whether that means they're looking at other girls, comparing you, making you feel self concious - that's just not acceptable. You're perfect no matter what and any guy would be lucky enough to have the chance to see that, don't get me wrong we all have our flaws but someone you're with should love you flaws n'all. Don't feel like you constantly have to better yourself or you're not meeting their 'standards' because I promise there's a guy out there who wants to give you all his love, attention and more. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate what they have in front of them.

If you're starting to question your relationship or something before it's even properly began it's not going to happen, you need to be 100% comfortable and committed. If you're having an instinct to leave or move on, just do it. That instinct is there for a reason. Are you feeling relieved when you're not with that person or in their company?   

Communication is key in a relationship, if you're not happy or you want something to change to try and make improvements as scary as it is, speak to them. As much as we'd all love to be no one is a mind reader, you can't expect things to change if you're not open with the other person.

Don't ever feel rushed, this personally is one of the worst feelings for me. There's absolutely no time frame on when you should be in a relationship, I find relationships always work best when you take your time, you don't need the added stress of feeling rushed or pressured by somebody. Expectations, if you've been seeing somebody even if it's going well or you've just had a fling but they might want something more or your friends are going on at you to make something more of it; never just do what is 'expected', weigh up your feelings and if you're not feeling comfortable or you're not ready or perhaps you tried and you just don't want it to go any further, that's okay!

And to wrap it up, trust. With out a doubt the single most important factor when you're involved with somebody. Trust is a very sensitive, fragile emotion and logical act, you really don't want to lose that in a relationship because you're going to start questioning everything and driving yourself insane. If the trust is gone out of your relationship, walk away - it's only time before you start being super paranoid, questioning them and yourself. You can never regain trust - especially if it's been lost through cheating, as hard as you want to try you're always going to have that voice in the back of your head.

I hope this post doesn't come across as condescending - I'm by no means an expert in relationships, just see this as some advice that I would give you if we were two friends sat drinking coffee.

Everybody deserves to be happy, respected and appreciated - trust me there's somebody who will make you feel them three things and more. There's no shame in being hurt and there's no guilt in breaking up with somebody. At the end of the day it's you who has to live with yourself so be kind to yourself and make sure you're happy!

Until next time my loves, I really do hope you can take something small from this -
TTFN :)
xxx

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