Showing posts with label personal post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal post. Show all posts

Friday, 26 September 2014

Wake up and live! (Dealing with depression)


You're worth everything.

So since the unfortunate death of Robin Williams and his suicide; depression has come to light a bit more with the surrounding media and fortunately people are starting to speak up about it a little bit more than before.

What I've noticed from browsing social media and from doing some research recently is that a lot of people who are posting about their depression or just taking the first step and admitting that they suffer or have done in the past all seem to write: 'I'm not ashamed any more'. 

- First off depression isn't something to feel ashamed of, it's one the most common mental illness' in the world and it comes and goes in all of us. Some more than others, granted. But still all of us. Some times it can last for just a short period of time; for example, if something has happened in your life recently like the loss of a loved one. And sometimes it can hang around a little longer than we'd care for. It's like that bad smell in your fridge which you can never seem to find what food is causing it. 

I've written a post about depression before which can be found (HERE) so I'll try not to be too repetitive. In that post I spoke mainly about the facts of depression and looked a little closer to the figures.
I haven't planned this post in the way I would usually plan one, it's just come to mind and I'd like to regroup with you all a little bit.

Okay so with out rambling as best I can, I want you to see this post as I'm envisioning it in my head - two friends over a coffee and you've come to talk to me so we can have a heart to heart.

I suffer from depression. Yeah; if you hadn't of already guessed from my previous post I am now typing it out load. Back in June - June 30th to be more pacific I went to my doctor and cried my little heart out and left the surgery diagnosed with a series of illness' one of which being 'severe depression'.
Do you think I am a weaker person now for telling you that? I'd like to hope not.
A lot of people hide behind it and try and shove it into the back of their wardrobe, tip a load of clothes on top of it and pretend it's not there.
I did that too. It's taken me almost 3 months to be able to type that out loud and one of the main reasons for my blog was so that I could come here and get everything out of my head and into words for you guys to read - if you wish to.

However, those clothes will only last a certain amount of time before they get creased and have that funny clothes smell. You know when you can smell they're full of dust? So eventually you're going to have to take them out and hang them out to air one day.
That's how I see depression, not just in myself but in the others around me.
It's something we're all so afraid of, afraid of admitting, talking about, and even showing. But one day you've got to air it out - I'm sure you'll feel better for it eventually.

So why do people feel so ashamed to say they suffer? If you're asking me that question I'd say because it's a 'typical illness' a lot of people think anybody can get away with saying they have - just for some attention (which will bring me on to my next point in a mo!).
It's not plastered up in a cast, there isn't a massive bandage wrapped round it or an ice pack sitting on top of it to take away the swelling - ergo it's something you have to admit to people, it's something you have to bring up and actually speak about.
No one can sign your mind with a black marker pen and write 'Get well soon buddy'.
It's all in the mind, it takes up the space you let it inhabit.

"They're just saying it for attention, it's all bull" - this is one of my main pet peeves when it comes to this generation. Unless you can write on somebody's cast in that black marker pen, it mustn't exist.
But can I just stress as best I can without going off on a angry tangent - EVEN if somebody is doing it just for attention, that speaks volumes too! Why do they feel the need to create illness' just to get some attention? That's an illness' in itself and you have to tread very carefully when you're going to start pointing the finger and deciding you know somebody better than themselves.
Lets say it is just attention seeking behaviour that's a cry for help in itself. Step back and realise the severity of what they're saying.
I know people who do just come up with 'illness'' for attention - there is a massive difference in somebody claiming to have every illness under the sun to someone finally speaking up, even if they do generally seem happy - depression can still happen in the happiest of minds.

The road to recovery - This is the hardest path you're probably ever having to walk down, however there will be a time in your life when you reach the end of it. I can only give so much reassurance through a blog post unfortunately, but I just want to stress to the maximum - you're not alone lovely. It's a common illness and there is help available if you're willing to use it. "You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves" . 
Grab hold of what ever it is that makes you happy and cherish it - go for walks, take up a new hobby, spend more time with your loved ones.
Mainly, just appreciate your place on this earth, you're worth so much more than all your negative thoughts. You're beautiful from the core and outwards, you were brought in to this world to shine so do it and don't give up on yourself.
I understand you're going to have your bad days and everything might seem dark now but step back and look at what's around you, whether it's your other half, kids, best friends or just something you enjoy.
Take all that negative energy that's so tiring and channel it into positivity. It may seem hard at first but you'll find your feet soon enough.

Yes the world is big and scary, and it's so judgemental - understood. But you're better than anyone else's judgement. The only opinion that matters about you, is yours. So give yourself a break and work on that :)!

Thank you for reading. Just remember to keep smiling - you're beautiful!

Lots of love.
TTFN!
xxx

Thursday, 31 July 2014

The A - Z of me.

A few years ago once I'd finished school and I had left I carried on to do photography, I've always loved photography and it's something my dad loves too so it's nice to have that in common.
One of our assignments was to do an A - Z of ourselves and in a none narcissistic way it was my favourite project that we got to do.
So I thought that I'd show mine, it's a bit dusty now and I've looked through it and cringed a billion times; but hopefully you enjoy it and get to know me a little better! However I'm not going to use all the letters, just a handful of my favourite!!


Bold - The view from my old living room window of the Albert Docks *sob*. However my parents came up with this word for me, I'm told quite frequently that I'm a 'bold person' - I can be quite reserved most of the time but if I have a passion I'll really go for it! (And so should you!)


Crusifics - Religion is a massive part of my life, I've been brought up with it since day one but this is a tattoo on the back of my neck which for me symbolises that I am Agnostic.


Dark - One that even a few years later I'm still relating to, we all have our dark times in our life and I've gone through my fair share of dark patches before today and this path is just to symbolise that there is light at the end of it all.


Eccentric -  I think this word pretty much speaks for itself, I like to be eccentric and creative and think outside the box. As long as you're not throwing yourself into the river Mersey I don't see the harm.



Family - My rock.


Identity - Will we ever know who we really are? Do you ever feel like you're wearing a mask and no one understands? I know I've felt like that before.


Nurturing - I'd like to think I'm quite a nurturing person, my close friend gave me this word and I do agree, I'd enjoy having a kind heart and caring for others. (And rescuing stray cats of course)!


Vulnerable - I just really like this photo. However when I was younger I was a very vulnerable child and it's something that will stay with me through out my entire life. We're all vulnerable at times in our life and it's not something you should feel ashamed about, just something you're aware of so you can work on it.

 Weight - This photograph actually makes me feel sick that I'm putting it up on my blog, let me stress that both sides of the mirror are HEAVILY edited and it's the message the photo is trying to give that's important. But that's all I want to say for that one - Some times images speak louder than words.


Years - These are some of my photo albums that represent the 20 years of my life and before my existence. They mean a great deal to me and I feel that photos are something you should cherish forever, good memories are very precious. 


So there you have it; I hope this has given you a bit more 'information' about me and who I am. Whether it's through the photographs or the words. I think everybody should try and do this, even just as a as a personal project. Whether you post it online or just keep it for yourself, you'd be surprised what you think of yourself, I know I was!

Thank you for reading today's post, I hope you found it somewhat interesting and hopefully my post tomorrow is going to be my first 'Day in the life post' since I have something going on with my girlies!

Until next time my loves,
TTFN :) xxx

*Disclaimer - All these photographs are mine and have all been taken by me, either hand held or using a wireless remote. They've been taken on a Nikon D700 and edited in photoshop. Thank you*