Wake up and live! (Dealing with depression)

You're worth everything.

So since the unfortunate death of Robin Williams and his suicide; depression has come to light a bit more with the surrounding media and fortunately people are starting to speak up about it a little bit more than before.

What I've noticed from browsing social media and from doing some research recently is that a lot of people who are posting about their depression or just taking the first step and admitting that they suffer or have done in the past all seem to write: 'I'm not ashamed any more'. 

- First off depression isn't something to feel ashamed of, it's one the most common mental illness' in the world and it comes and goes in all of us. Some more than others, granted. But still all of us. Some times it can last for just a short period of time; for example, if something has happened in your life recently like the loss of a loved one. And sometimes it can hang around a little longer than we'd care for. It's like that bad smell in your fridge which you can never seem to find what food is causing it. 

I've written a post about depression before which can be found (HERE) so I'll try not to be too repetitive. In that post I spoke mainly about the facts of depression and looked a little closer to the figures.
I haven't planned this post in the way I would usually plan one, it's just come to mind and I'd like to regroup with you all a little bit.

Okay so with out rambling as best I can, I want you to see this post as I'm envisioning it in my head - two friends over a coffee and you've come to talk to me so we can have a heart to heart.

I suffer from depression. Yeah; if you hadn't of already guessed from my previous post I am now typing it out load. Back in June - June 30th to be more pacific I went to my doctor and cried my little heart out and left the surgery diagnosed with a series of illness' one of which being 'severe depression'.
Do you think I am a weaker person now for telling you that? I'd like to hope not.
A lot of people hide behind it and try and shove it into the back of their wardrobe, tip a load of clothes on top of it and pretend it's not there.
I did that too. It's taken me almost 3 months to be able to type that out loud and one of the main reasons for my blog was so that I could come here and get everything out of my head and into words for you guys to read - if you wish to.

However, those clothes will only last a certain amount of time before they get creased and have that funny clothes smell. You know when you can smell they're full of dust? So eventually you're going to have to take them out and hang them out to air one day.
That's how I see depression, not just in myself but in the others around me.
It's something we're all so afraid of, afraid of admitting, talking about, and even showing. But one day you've got to air it out - I'm sure you'll feel better for it eventually.

So why do people feel so ashamed to say they suffer? If you're asking me that question I'd say because it's a 'typical illness' a lot of people think anybody can get away with saying they have - just for some attention (which will bring me on to my next point in a mo!).
It's not plastered up in a cast, there isn't a massive bandage wrapped round it or an ice pack sitting on top of it to take away the swelling - ergo it's something you have to admit to people, it's something you have to bring up and actually speak about.
No one can sign your mind with a black marker pen and write 'Get well soon buddy'.
It's all in the mind, it takes up the space you let it inhabit.

"They're just saying it for attention, it's all bull" - this is one of my main pet peeves when it comes to this generation. Unless you can write on somebody's cast in that black marker pen, it mustn't exist.
But can I just stress as best I can without going off on a angry tangent - EVEN if somebody is doing it just for attention, that speaks volumes too! Why do they feel the need to create illness' just to get some attention? That's an illness' in itself and you have to tread very carefully when you're going to start pointing the finger and deciding you know somebody better than themselves.
Lets say it is just attention seeking behaviour that's a cry for help in itself. Step back and realise the severity of what they're saying.
I know people who do just come up with 'illness'' for attention - there is a massive difference in somebody claiming to have every illness under the sun to someone finally speaking up, even if they do generally seem happy - depression can still happen in the happiest of minds.

The road to recovery - This is the hardest path you're probably ever having to walk down, however there will be a time in your life when you reach the end of it. I can only give so much reassurance through a blog post unfortunately, but I just want to stress to the maximum - you're not alone lovely. It's a common illness and there is help available if you're willing to use it. "You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves" . 
Grab hold of what ever it is that makes you happy and cherish it - go for walks, take up a new hobby, spend more time with your loved ones.
Mainly, just appreciate your place on this earth, you're worth so much more than all your negative thoughts. You're beautiful from the core and outwards, you were brought in to this world to shine so do it and don't give up on yourself.
I understand you're going to have your bad days and everything might seem dark now but step back and look at what's around you, whether it's your other half, kids, best friends or just something you enjoy.
Take all that negative energy that's so tiring and channel it into positivity. It may seem hard at first but you'll find your feet soon enough.

Yes the world is big and scary, and it's so judgemental - understood. But you're better than anyone else's judgement. The only opinion that matters about you, is yours. So give yourself a break and work on that :)!

Thank you for reading. Just remember to keep smiling - you're beautiful!

Lots of love.
TTFN!
xxx

Let go of the bad to make way for the good

As human beings it's hard to be 100% happy all the time, if not impossible. We get bad news, sad news or just down right heart breaking news day to day or when we least expect it, no matter when it is, it's can some times feel like a constant struggle to perk yourself up. You're often sat asking yourself or someone near and dear when is it going to be over? When will the light at the end of the tunnel finally blind your eyes with happiness?

Happiness is a tricky one. It can come as easily as it can disappear, they're all types of happiness. Whether it's from your close friends and family, to having your dream job or even being spoilt by your other half with Christian Louboutins or just something cheeky like your favourite packet of sweets. It really does arrive in all shapes and sizes with a little bow on the top. 

And then there's something I've named minipulation happiness. It's the happiness that happens usually over a love interest or a 'close' friend and it's when you're in the frame of mind that they make you happy when actually all they do is make you a living misery and everybody around you can see it. They say love is blind, that I truly believe. 

-- This is the false sense of happiness which turns more into need. You feel like you need this person, or like they've cast a spell on you! Usually this type of false happiness/sense of need will happen after a break up or a certain incidences' depending on your situation. 

But no matter how much you think you need this person, ask yourself; are they really making me happy? 

Truly happy.. Do they have you crying of a night or turning your friends against you? 

I won't lie, I'm guilty of allowing this to happen to me. Sometimes you don't realise it's even happening until you take a step back. You need to put your happiness (solo happiness) first. Realise you don't need them and you're better off, trust me - - the world won't stop spinning, even if they're not around. 

Usually you can find happiness in the smallest of things, just the things you get nothing but enjoyment out of. It's helpful to remind yourself of this from time to time. Just so you don't leave yourself short. 

What makes you happy without relying on other people? 

Mine would definitely be; Horses, my cat Molly, animals in general, hot chocolate, The Sims, freshly painted nails, candles, duvet days, new pjs, log fires, long walks, slippers, the country side, arm chairs, bungalows, rich tea and reading Alice in Wonderland. 

Can you tell I'm 20 going on 60? Just call me Nana K! 

It can sometimes be the most simplistic which can make you happy and you just need to remind yourself. So if you're having a rough time or feeling a little low, do what makes you happy and puts a smile on your face, just for you. Without worrying about other people, just be there for yourself; you might even thank yourself for it afterwards. 

Always try and think of the positive even if you don't think you can. You've got to find the light even when you're at your darkest. 

Thank you for reading, until next time my loves 

TTFN <3 

Also.. 

How can you not look at this photo and just be happy? 

Bye now! Xxx

Being grateful

Where have I been? 

So some of you may or may not of realised that recently over the past week or so I've been quite MIA (missing in action) there were certain things happening in my life that didn't make me feel very inspired to put up a blog post and even though this blog was made for me as a personal outlet and somewhere to express myself, since I was posting practically every day I started to feel very pressured purely by myself to upload every day and make every new blog post better than the last. Which in a small sense isn't a bad thing to give yourself a push, everybody needs motivation and competition sometimes but in a healthy dose.

Like I said there have been things going on in my life which I don't really care to discuss on here very widely but it's made me realise how lucky I am to have what I have around me. 

Also touching on something which is such a controversial topic, I recently watched Tulisa's documentary after seeing so much discussion on social media websites about it, and I just want to give my two sents that she is one hell of a strong woman to have gone through what she has this past year and still come out fighting and tougher than ever is amazing. The people who are purely commenting on her looks and plastic surgery over the past year; quick reminder - somebody's looks don't make them a better person. It's their personality and what they have to offer. 'You look like a horse when you look down your nose like that'. 

Without going off on a tangent about Tulisa's life I just wanted to get my point across that we should be so grateful for what we have and what we're not personally suffering like others are around the world. Don't get me wrong, I know every family has their difficult times and at some point we will all have to grief and suffer, but stop for one minute and open your eyes and realise how blessed you are. For simple things such as clean water and food, the time you get to spend with your loved ones. 

I don't want this to become a patronising post and I'm not saying everybody is ungrateful, it just came to my attention recently that I am lucky even though I'm currently facing one of the worst times of my life.  So a bit of awknologement - Mum, Dad, Dani, Matt, Han, Vicki, Marcus and my girls.. If you're reading this I'm so grateful for each and everyone of you who has put a smile on my face numerous times. 

So what are you grateful for? 

I'm sure there's plenty. And just remember even if it's a shit day today, tomorrow is a new beginning.


I hope you have enjoyed this spontaneous post my loves. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of blogging more frequently and I know I mentioned in a previous post about uploading more 'fun' posts, I have a lot of beauty/fashion/décor/fun posts in mind they just need to be put together perfectly before they're uploaded. Also to the people wondering where my Vlog has vanished to - due to petty personal reasons it had to be taken down, if I had it my way it would be different, but that won't stop me as I still have ideas for future videos. 

I hope you're all well and having a lovely week. Happy Sunday, enjoy your roast! 

Until next time my loves - 

TTFN! xxx

Side note: I do plan on my content being more frequent again so if anybody has anything they would like me to post about, get in touch!