The post with no title

(No relevance to post, just love the photo)

I get very excited at the thought of blogging and being able to produce amazing content which people enjoy reading. 
When my mind goes off day dreaming it normally goes a long the lines of, home, coffee and blogging. There really is something quite.. therapeutic and rewarding about it.

So where have I been? 
I believe the term most commonly used is writers block or being completely shit scared.
I've always been here, reading, even some odd bits of writing that haven't been 'published'. I've just never written something I'm 100% happy with to post, which explains lack of. 

I get a lot of questions in regards to this blog. Most people seem quite shocked if I mention that I do 'own' one, or that I've neglected one over the past year. 
It always amazes me how intrigued people can be and I have no idea why which is interesting because I live and breathe bloggers/ vloggers. I'm great at being nosey. 

I do have a lot of ideas when it comes to content, I have an idea of which direction I'd like my blog to take off, I admire so many people who have became successful just from loving their hobby and realistically creating themselves a business. If you choose to leave your 9-5 to make money off your own back, writing and working for brands - you're a business man/woman. Which I think is very admirable. 

Where did it all go wrong?
(This could get deep, apologies). So way back when I started this little gem as most of you will know or even if you were to look back now at the content I was sharing, I wasn't well. I had a lot of free time and needed something to do, to occupy myself if you like. 
I decided to sign up to blogger and just start writing about personal experiences, things I was or wasn't dealing with so well and try and just get them off my chest for a start but hoping it might help someone, even if it was just making them realising they're not alone. 

I started getting 5,000 views and I thought at most I'd get about 5 per post. I'm still so grateful to every person who's viewed or shared my blog, it does mean a lot. 
Once I started to get better and I was running out of issues to talk about (LOL) I started to panic. I started to worry that no body would want to read just about boring old me, and nobodies really interested in where I spent my weekend, or what I've bought from ASOS recently. 

So I stopped, I lost my mojo and I hated myself for it. I put a ton of pressure on myself and I panicked that people would start disliking my blog and quite frankly, think it's crap. 

Confidence is my main struggle (I'm sure I'll do a blog post soon, more issues to talk about, my fave).
I care too much about what others think of me than just being myself and enjoying my life. 
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I have a support system of amazing people around me, but I do hold back from doing a lot of things I either know I'm good at or know I enjoy and that's my main problem.

So what to expect?
Nothing. Lol, jk. 
Hopefully something. This post doesn't have much of a direction, I sat down today and I just wanted to write, like I have done for the past few months - I just want to write, create and share.
So that's all I'm going to try and do. 
For those who do enjoy reading my blog and seeing what I can come up with, there should be more content coming soon so please stick around and keep coming back, I love having you here ;).

I hope I can make something of this blog, if not for the people who enjoy it at least for myself so I know I've tried and loved trying. 

Can't tell you when you'll hear from me next. Soon. 
But until then..
TTFN.

K x

Not a new year, but still a new you

Hey, you! 

Sorry it's been so long, I've had a pretty hectic month and I've finally just found some time to sit down and start sorting something's out for myself. 

It's around this time of year when the New Year starts looming and we start using the excuse in the back of our minds 'New year, new me'. We start putting change off because we're soon going to have a list and each year the resolutions are the same and so's the out come, usually (failed). 

This month I've had to make some pretty tough decisions and I've put myself in positions which could've been the best or worst ever. 

I decided that enough was enough with something's and came to the conscious decision it was about time I started looking after myself. 

I'm sure we all have our days when we decide we're in need for a change or a situation happens and that change becomes inevitable. But it's the adapting or finding the strength and cracking on with it that's the toughest part.

There's no rule on how many times you can turn over a new leaf for yourself and there's no expiry date on change.  

So if there's something on your mind you've wanted to do for a while, or a change you're wanting to make - then do it! I couldn't encourage people enough to do what they want to do. At the end of the day, you can't expect the people around you to be happy for you if you're not happy with yourself.

Some decisions are harder than others, but if you know in your gut instinct that you want it happen, make it happen. You may have to say bye to some people or to some things in your life, but when one door closes, another will open. 

I've decided to dedicate the end of this year and next year to getting myself better, my girls, going travelling, becoming fit and finally getting my paws on a pair of Christian Louboutins. 

If I can achieve those starting today, I can honestly say I'll be 100% happy with myself. 

So what's on your mind that you've wanted to change? Is there something that's been bugging you for a while but you haven't had the courage to go get it? Well, today's your day - so go get it!

Hopefully the gap won't be too long until I see you again.

Until next time my loves, 

Strive for happiness and keep smiling. 

TTFN 

xxx

5 easy ways to feel good about yourself

Have you gotten yourself in that nasty rut which you know in the back of your mind you don't want to be in but for some reason can't pull yourself out of? High five, me too! 

I've gotten into that disgusting phase of 'letting yourself go' it tends to come with having a new boyfriend you feel comfortable around who's trying to fatten you up, or you just lack a bit of self esteem and energy to do anything about it (which happens to everybody, nothing to be ashamed of). 

Now Christmas is coming, winter is dawning in on us fast, layering clothes and big bulky coats are starting to become an every day essential.
I always find I get into an unhealthy fatty rut round this time of year, it's a little inevitable - all the best foods come out this time of year (I seen mince pies the other day), people buy you boxes of chocolate for Christmas and you just want to have a hot take away and stay in all warm and cosy every weekend.
However if all this is sounding familiar - don't fret pet; you don't have to drown your sorrows just yet.

What's that one thing you've always wanted to do but have given up on or made the lame excuse of 'haven't got the time'? Stop procrastinating and just do it! 

Even if it's something so trivial you'll feel better for seeing it through. You have nothing to lose, and it might be one of the most rewarding feelings of your life if you just get to it.
- So if it's rearranging out your bedroom, knitting a Christmas jumper for yourself or even sorting out some important finical issues.. Get it done and out of your mind, it's one less thing to think about! 

Keep/ get active - even though the 'slob' months are here, joining your local gym or going swimming for even an hour a week will make you feel a million times better about yourself.
We all need to stop being a bit lazy... A fit body, is a happy mind!
Only you know yourself how you truly feel about your appearance/ physique - but only you have the power to change that. It might be hard at the beginning but just keep thinking of the results! 

"Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands" - Elle knows! 

Stay social - I find it's more acceptable to stay home now it's getting colder especially of a weekend, the fire place seems more enticing that a bar and your dressing gown seems more intriguing than the new dress you just bought - however, you don't want to isolate yourself, keep your social calendar busy and your mind active. You can fall into a nasty pattern if you decide to keep yourself in all the time, it can become depressing. I understand not every body has money to go out all the time, and some weekends you just don't want to! That's fair enough, every body goes through this.
But if you're starting to notice a pattern in your routine, maybe getting out and changing it up a bit might make you feel a little better?

Hobby - a great way to keep your mind and physical self busy.
Try something new that you've always wondered about, what's the worst that can happen? Hobbies don't have to be completed and you're in control, however give something new ago, you might just surprise yourself.
I have a huge love for cooking but I'm quite lazy - however the days I do put in the effort I feel so motivated because I've done something for me, something I enjoy - there's no shame in being a bit selfish with your time and just doing something for you.

Everything in moderation - now I'm a lover of take away, chocolate, crisp and other junk food especially in the winter, but it can become a dangerous cycle which can leave you feeling rubbish about yourself inside and out.
Over the summer I was obsessed with fresh fruit juices which I made every morning and I don't know why/ when I decided to stop making them.
They're so quick and simple to make. Just because the sun isn't shining doesn't mean you can't make yourself some fruity drinking, they really cleanse your body.
The way I'm starting to see it - if I do a small work out (you don't want to push yourself too much) and eat quite healthy. Then I deserve that bar of chocolate or those crisp.
You won't feel so guilty for treating yourself if you've 'earned' it.

Let me know if you're in the same 'rut' as I am right now and what you're doing to try improve yourself! Do you have any tips for me that I haven't mentioned? I'd love to know!

Thanks for reading my loves - 

Never give up on yourselves. 

Change is acceptable and routine is admirable.

TTFN

xxx

A guide to an awesome Autumn!

I'd just like to paint you a picture right now - it's a really miserable typical British day and I'm sat in my boyfriends bedroom whilst he's in work and I am singing 'Elton Johns - Step into Christmas' carol at the top of my voice, because it's my all time favourite Christmas song, and Christmas songs are now acceptable to sing I feel.

For the longest time I can remember my favourite seasons are Autumn and Winter, I absolute hate Spring and Summer. I don't know if it's because at one point I was convinced I was Wednesday Addams (anybody who went to school with me, will confirm that). 

And so typically I wasn't into colour, or sun for that matter. So the colder more dark times are definitely my favourite. (I'm well aware I'm Kirstie now though, don't worry).

I feel like you should put Step in to Christmas on too really loud and sing a long whilst you read this blog post so we can all be as happy as I am right now. 

So a guide to Autumn? 

It's not a hard one but something I definitely getting enjoyment writing about, first off the fashion - I might be being bias as I'm not one for bright colours but I'm sure some of you will agree the fashion (clothes, shoes, bags, jewellery, etc) are a million times better and more exciting in the autumn, winter seasons. Plus I love layers - a good hat, scarf and gloves never fail.

The darker nights

Now when you were little I'm sure just like me it scared you when the days got darker sooner, also it was an absolute nightmare trying to get out your bed for school in the morning when it's still dark and cosy. But now I'm older I really appreciate the darker days - just cuddle up with a good film or a good book and a hot brew.

Another good reason to enjoy them; pamper nights! Now the day is getting darker sooner you tend not to go out as much especially because it's getting colder too. What a perfect reason to take a gorgeous Lush bath and just relax with some candles and bubbles. 

(The perfect pamper night - here)

Dark nails and dark lipstick

This is possibly the Wednesday coming out in me, but I enjoy darker nail varnishes over neons or pastels. As pretty as they are, I feel a lot cleaner/elegant with darker nail varnish. 

(Or maybe I'm just a closet goth)

MUST HAVE COLOURS:

Essie - Wicked 

O.P.I - Lincoln Park after dark 

Also a strong lip never goes a miss either - pale skin, winged eye liner, rosy cheeks and dark lipstick -perfecto! 

HALLOWEEN!

I've noticed girls go more ape shit over Halloween than boys, but who doesn't love a reason to dress up with their friends, get very drunk and if you can still get away with it - go Trick or Treating! 

Or even having a house party with your friends and playing all the games you used to play with your parents when you were little - they never get old. 

Also who doesn't love chopping up a pumpkin and getting frustrated when it's face looks stupid, just stupid. 

Have you got your costume sorted? Times ticking dear!

Hot Chocolate!

My all time fave drink (obviously it just had to be). Not long now before it's red cup season and Starbucks bring out their cups - however does anyone else feel they should up their game after Costa's last year? 

Still stupidly excited for it though! - I know you are too!

Bonfire night

Unfortunately this will only really apply to my Liverpool/Aigburth readers but who's excited to go to Sefton park this year and then get a bag of chips on the way home? I am!

I'm sure where ever you're watching them this year it will be magical. You can never get bored of fireworks and it's such a great excuse to wrap up cute and go out with all your friends and watch something that only usually happens once a year. Also trying to write your name with a sparkler! - Eeeeek!

The crisp leaves

Now I know this is the old woman coming out in me, however I adore a walk in the autumn when your toasty but your nose is freezing and bright red, and you just appreciate all the tree's looking bare but beautiful with your feet shuffling through the piles of leaves on the floor. 

I live very close to a massive park so I enjoy taking my camera out and taking some very beautiful photos and I'm sure most of my fellow photography students also enjoy this!

Winter films

Who doesn't love cuddling up in their fave onesie or over sized jumper, with some slipper boots on - a hot chocolate to hand with the fire roaring, candles lit, curtains closed and snuggling down to your favourite autumn/winter/christmas film?

My faves: The holiday (JUDE LAW PLEASE), Love actually, ELF, The Hogfather, Home Alone 1,2 & 3, The Grinch, Hocus Pocus, Polar express, the Harry Potter collection, Frozen, About a boy and many more!

What's your favourite? Please give me some to watch this year. 

"Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour"?

My instagram bio reads:

'Writing, blogging, hot chocolate, porridge, open fires, cups of tea and coffee, cottages, arm chairs & the country side - 20 going on 60' 

So that probably tells you a lot about myself. I've always been winter girl at heart, I don't like being hot or the sun. I prefer layers, boots, cute scarf and hat sets plus SNOW! Yes, give me some snow!

What's your favourite time of the year? Are you looking forwards to everything I've mentioned?

Keep your eyes open because I have a lot of winter/festive posts planned including winter wonderland, recipes, cute decorations and present guides. 

Hope you're well my loves - you now have permission to turn Elton off!

Until next time

TTFN

xxx

Email: kirstiesarah@hotmail.com

Twitter: @_kirstiehowarth

Instagram: Kirstie_howarth 

X

Gender equality

Before people start rolling their eyes and beginning to think I'm trying to become the next Emma Watson, brace yourself - I'm not. I think I've watched Watson's very emotional and inspirational speech twice now and even with that obvious nervous frog snug in her throat, the speech itself was very moving and powerful.

I wanted to keep this post short, we all know I like my rants!
I often try to keep my eyes and ears open a lot of the time, I'm generally inquisitive and curious and since I spend a lot of my time doing research for my blog or on other blogs, I have the pleasure to see and read a lot of things floating around the net.

Now I wouldn't say I am a naive person, I don't exactly live under a rock either. I have my wits about me - just like you too. However Watson's speech shocked me, more than I thought when I initially began watching it. I don't know if that's because here in the UK gender equality isn't as extreme as other place's such as China, India and Africa. I'd say we have it pretty good - it's our race equality this country needs to work on I'd say - but that's a different blog post, on different topic for a different day. 
Just her figures and research were so on point and dramatic (but true) is what I'm sure shocked me the most.

- However something that has upset me since Watson's speech is the way men have reacted. I got very angry because I was seeing very undermining status' on my Facebook feed such as: 

"Well done Emma Watson, well done... i fully agree with... whatever it is your sayin sweetheart, you just carry on with what you think is best. Youve clearly got alot of lovley thoughts rattlin around in that pretty little noggin of yours. Now you jus' get back to charms class and let Harry do all of the heavy lifting and dark wizard thwarting."

And "Emma your too attractive to be worrying about big boy issues"

I doubt the 'boys' who wrote those status' even read this blog let alone this blog post, however if you are reading: are you having a laugh? Please read over what you've written, think about it and then tell me you could stand up in front of the united nations and provide a better more moving speech with a powerful re-enforcement behind it. 

I'll try wrap this up, I don't want this to become me shouting at men and naming and shaming peoples status'; all you men who think women are beneath you and don't deserve equal rights - please remember it was a woman who brought you into this world. Created you and cared for you in her womb, raised you. Unless you're a homosexual - one day you're going to fall in love with a woman. 
If you have a wife and a daughter are you going to look at them in a way that you're better than them?

Obviously Watson made all the massive points, which I can't even come close to trying to write them some justice so I won't. I'm also not trying and make myself sound like a huge crazy, man hating feminist and have 4chan threaten me too.

I just urge you all to go watch the video and take on board what she is saying, I'll leave the link underneath and you can look in to it for yourselves.

I'll leave this post at that. I know nothing I said was very inspirational - it wasn't supposed to be, just a acknowledgement for something that's gotten to me recently.

I really hope #HeForShe makes the difference in the world that it's aiming to make and until next time my loves - take care and play nicely towards each other!

TTFN
xxx

EMMA WATSON'S SPEECH

The perfect pamper evening

So it's the weekend, finally right? Whether you're staying in on your Saturday night with a glass of wine, take away and your loved ones or whether you're going to treat yourself on the Sunday - it's the end of the week or the start of the beginning of one for others, so treat yourself guys and dolls!

This is how my pamper evenings usually go down. I believe it's very important to have some 'you time', even if it's just for a few hours a week - it's incredibly important and crustal to just spend some time in your own company with your own thoughts! 

Firstly you're going to want to pick your fave beauty products that you want to use either before, during or after your bath! I love storing my beauty and bath items like this, it's so inexpensive and makes everything very easy and accessible! 

Now pick your goodies! I chose 'Space girl' bath bomb by Lush which is just INCREDIBLE it's very sweet and just hits the spot every time (highly recommend)! 

Then for my face mask I used 'Brazened honey' which is a new Lush product for me, my very good friend who works at Lush recommended for me. Once I've used it a few times I'll give you guys a full review! (This also smells and feels incredible)! 

Make yourself a fantastic drink to enjoy whilst you're relaxing in the bath. Hot chocolate is my favourite drink and so naturally I had to choose my spesh! Now, I encourage anybody to go for wine, vodka even.. Treat yourself and let yourself go (YOLO right?)!

Before you hop into your bath, get your sanctuary ready for when you get out and just want to relax. Get some reading materiel and your favourite pjs! I opted for my giraffe onesie because you can never go wrong can you?? 

Come on baby light my fire! Get them candles lit and make your atmosphere that little bit better! Please excuse the state of my Jo Malone candle, it's well loved and definitely needs replacing. This scent is my favourite: Sweet Almond and Macaroon. (If anybody needs a gift idea for myself, you can never go wrong with this). 

And last but not least, run your bath, put your bath bomb in (I always enjoy watching them fizz out) and just have some much needed you time.. And possibly a nap too! 

I was going to take photos afterwards of how much I was loving my pamper evening but unfortunately I got dragged out to go and watch Planet of the Apes, so make sure you're evening is completely free before you get dragged away from your pjs :(! 

I hope you enjoyed this post my loves. Let me know how your pamper evenings go and if you have any tips or products you think I should try out! 

As always - keep smiling! 

Until next time 

TTFN xxx

Keeping the fire burning...

 "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."-Oprah Winfrey

So recently I had a very good and close friend of mine open up a little bit about his current situation with his girlfriend, for obvious reasons I have to keep him anonymous - but the main 'problem' in their relationship right now is that she isn't happy with the lack of passion between the two of them.

Relationships are like a full time job, even for those who have found their soul mates struggle at the best of times. Unfortunately humans aren't robots who can be programmed to exactly what we like/want out of them. No body is a mind reader and there's times in EVERY relationship that the pair of you are going to mess up, even if it's over something as trivial as buying the wrong brand of beans; it doesn't take much to set someone off, especially if they've had a lot going on in their head recently. 

Back to my friend - so, like I mentioned he came to me with this problem and just to have a little bit of chat.
Now I've never been asked on advice for passion before, when he text me I was little stuck in answering, so I asked more questions whilst I had a good think of some advice I could possibly offer...

If you're struggling in a relationship right now, or you're trying to handle the same problem as this one here are my tips that I think could potentially help...

1. Show your love in small, adventurous ways - 
Everybody loves something spontaneous, especially women. I don't think I know anybody who wouldn't love to come home to a little note on their pillow, or hidden somewhere they're going to find it easily. Bring home something sentimental you know they're going to love, even if it's their favourite packet of sweets, cook dinner for them - something they've said they have felt like for ages but haven't got round to making. You'd be surprised how much of an impact the little gestures can make. 

2. Shake, shake, shake, shake, a' shaaaaake it! 
Who doesn't like to rock the boat a little bit some times?  You need to push through the 'I'm fed up' barrier that's going on right now. Try something new, take up an activity or hobby together. Even going for a day trip and having a picnic is something that gets you both out of the house. Go see a play, a comedy show or if it's on a tight budget - cook something brand new together, learn together and achieve together.

3. Be generous with your praise - 
This applies to both sides of the relationship. 'You look absolutely beautiful/handsome baby'. Now come on, who doesn't like to hear that? Feeling appreciated is one of the main keys in a relationship, especially if one of you isn't feeling so 'hot' so to speak. Even manners are a massive thing, saying 'thank you' or just offering a hug once they've done something for you is special. Acknowledge and value your partner, show them how much you appreciate them in your own unique ways - and I'm sure they'd be very grateful for it.

4. Create an intimate time - 
We all become so surrounded and drowned with technology and social media. It's easier these days to just text somebody something rather than discussing it in person. Something I've seen often in a relationship, is the two people sat their both on their phones and only communicating if they see something they feel the need to comment on, on Facebook. That is not healthy under any circumstances. 
Pack it in! Put your phones away in a draw or turn them off, either or.. And just enjoy each others company, put your favourite film on that has made you both laugh numerous times and cuddle up with a good drink and some goodies! It's going to do no harm to you or your social media status if you don't go on-line or post a status for one whole night! Cherish the time you get to spend together. Obviously I know it's healthy to have that balance, it's important to have your own space and your own time; but if this is becoming a regular problem and communication is starting to die down, rectify it whilst you still can. 

5. Communication: Clearly, honestly and frequently.
 My last 'tip'; I've probably mentioned this a thousand times already when I'm giving relationship advice, however I don't think there is anything more important than them 3 mini points. You can't get anywhere with that frog in your throat.. sorry I can't understand you properly! Clear that throat, know what you want to say and what the problem is or something you'd like to change, take a deep breath and go for it! You will feel so relived afterwards, there's nothing worse than something eating you up inside.
Honesty. Sorry I don't remember the last time lies worked in a relationship, do you? Honesty is MASSIVE, let me repeat M-A-S-S-I-V-E. How do you expect any relationship to work if it's build up on lies and manipulation? Nip that in the butt right now, honesty is the best policy and you might actually get somewhere if you tell the truth and you're honest with your partner.
Frequency. Don't let things build up inside, you owe it to yourself to let your feelings out and you owe the respect to them to share what you're feeling. If you don't frequently open up one day you're going to explode and that might just be that one push too far...

Thank you for reading, like I often say read this as myself talking to you over a coffee in a friendly way. Think about your situation and now put your best friend in your shoes, what would you say to them if their relationship is struggling? 

Respect yourself, don't just stick around if the flames gone out. You deserve the best, do you hear me? The absolute best lovely :)!

Until next time my loves,

TTFN xxx

'I have a dream...'

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

So since I've had a lot of time to myself recently, I've been thinking about dreams. If you believe in all the Instagram quotes and the inspirational memes your best friend keeps sharing on Facebook, then your dream is just one moments clarity away from reality. Oh how it would be nice if the white words filtered against a typical hipster sunset background were true, wouldn't it?

If you're anything like myself right now, or you've had a lot of time to think things over recently then you've probably come to the conclusion that dreams are stupid.

For the longest time I've wanted to become a full time blogger, worker for a fashion magazine and even dip my toes into the pond of the whole 'YouTube world'. This is what I've wanted to do for so long, and I suppose I can give myself a small pat on the back since I have created a blog and kept up with frequent content as much as possible. *Pats back*.

For a long time I thought I'd grown out of this 'phase' of these dreams, I created a YouTube channel 23rd June 2009 - 6 years I've been trying to pluck up the courage to start doing what I wanted to do, and 6 years later I'm still on 4 subscribers. Now I'm only 20 years old, I often get told 'I'm still a baby' and since I look about 12 years old, that's not very hard to believe. But I like to think I've matured a lot in 6 years and I've got my shit together a little bit better... Emphasise on the 'little'. I think a lot of us think we've matured past these dreams that take up a lot of time, money, preparation and energy. But really, we keep dreaming... we just do it on a smaller less inspired scale.

"When I grow up I want to be a Princess who rides a multicoloured unicorn to princess school everyday and I want all my food to be covered in fairy dust so I can fly and go say hi to Peter, Wendy and the lost boys" -
Yeah, that's much more of a rational dream right there.

However when you're 5 years old and you've just been asked for the first time what you'd like to be when you grow up, nothing matters but everything is possible in that little imagination and you believe that you're going to get that multicoloured unicorn! But, adulthood is not the time to start giving up on your dreams, it's the time to honour and embrace them. But first you need to figure out what is worth inhabiting your 'dream space'. We need to dump the stupid, just brush it under the rug and make room for good, the golden, the jack pot baby!

Leave behind what distracts you from your goals. It's time to abandon the impossible. (It's hard I know, I'm still coming to terms with the fact I'm never going to get the chance to sing on stage with S club 7)!

When you abandon the impossible, you generally start to realise the unnecessary and the unwanted. Who wants the uptight girl who lives in a fantasy when you can have the girl who laughs about having whipped cream thrown in her face and lives in the real world of NOW.

These impossible dreams are a poor stand-ins for the real thing. They keep you fantasying rather than achieving and they negate the real value of all your efforts. You're worth a hell of a lot more than the inflated thought that's written in your dairy. Get shut of them.

Stop dreaming other peoples dreams, make your own happen. If you want 1,000,000 followers on Twitter or IG go hashtag every post until you can't physically move your fingers any more. You want that new car your friends daddy just brought for her? Go save your arse off (hard I know, but rewarding). If something isn't making you happy and you're just doing it because you've seen somebody else's happiness from what they've achieved and what they've had, stop being a sheep! It's time to become a Shepard!

True happiness is a deeper and more abiding experience than any of us are willing to admit most of the time. Let’s start seeking that kind of joy and let’s stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Who are you? What makes you happy? What are you doing when you feel the most fulfilled? Are you with your children? Are you creating? Career making? Cooking? Writing? Giving parking tickets? A mixture of a few things in different ratios?

Answer those questions and you’ll be closer to discovering what your souls been dreaming of than you've ever been.

Once you've got to know yourself that little bit better and you've figured out that little bit more about your hopes and your flaws. Embrace yourself and all your worth and make what you want to happen, HAPPEN! Whether it does take time, money and energy - you know that the outcome will be so rewarding that none of that will matter, because you've achieved your dream!!

I hope you've enjoyed this post, it's been one of my favourites to write! And until next time my loves; keep dreaming and keep smiling!

TTFN xxx

Being grateful

Where have I been? 

So some of you may or may not of realised that recently over the past week or so I've been quite MIA (missing in action) there were certain things happening in my life that didn't make me feel very inspired to put up a blog post and even though this blog was made for me as a personal outlet and somewhere to express myself, since I was posting practically every day I started to feel very pressured purely by myself to upload every day and make every new blog post better than the last. Which in a small sense isn't a bad thing to give yourself a push, everybody needs motivation and competition sometimes but in a healthy dose.

Like I said there have been things going on in my life which I don't really care to discuss on here very widely but it's made me realise how lucky I am to have what I have around me. 

Also touching on something which is such a controversial topic, I recently watched Tulisa's documentary after seeing so much discussion on social media websites about it, and I just want to give my two sents that she is one hell of a strong woman to have gone through what she has this past year and still come out fighting and tougher than ever is amazing. The people who are purely commenting on her looks and plastic surgery over the past year; quick reminder - somebody's looks don't make them a better person. It's their personality and what they have to offer. 'You look like a horse when you look down your nose like that'. 

Without going off on a tangent about Tulisa's life I just wanted to get my point across that we should be so grateful for what we have and what we're not personally suffering like others are around the world. Don't get me wrong, I know every family has their difficult times and at some point we will all have to grief and suffer, but stop for one minute and open your eyes and realise how blessed you are. For simple things such as clean water and food, the time you get to spend with your loved ones. 

I don't want this to become a patronising post and I'm not saying everybody is ungrateful, it just came to my attention recently that I am lucky even though I'm currently facing one of the worst times of my life.  So a bit of awknologement - Mum, Dad, Dani, Matt, Han, Vicki, Marcus and my girls.. If you're reading this I'm so grateful for each and everyone of you who has put a smile on my face numerous times. 

So what are you grateful for? 

I'm sure there's plenty. And just remember even if it's a shit day today, tomorrow is a new beginning.


I hope you have enjoyed this spontaneous post my loves. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of blogging more frequently and I know I mentioned in a previous post about uploading more 'fun' posts, I have a lot of beauty/fashion/décor/fun posts in mind they just need to be put together perfectly before they're uploaded. Also to the people wondering where my Vlog has vanished to - due to petty personal reasons it had to be taken down, if I had it my way it would be different, but that won't stop me as I still have ideas for future videos. 

I hope you're all well and having a lovely week. Happy Sunday, enjoy your roast! 

Until next time my loves - 

TTFN! xxx

Side note: I do plan on my content being more frequent again so if anybody has anything they would like me to post about, get in touch! 

Let's have a chat (Depression)

"Some people still think that depression is trivial and not a genuine health condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms, and it's not a sign of weakness or something you can "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together".

This is probably my hardest post to write to date, depression is such a sensitive subject to touch on.
Anything can set off depression, it can wash over you when you least expect it and it's so hard to understand, depression is a very serious illness - there are more than 350 million (aprox) who suffer from depression in a wide range of ages. 

I don't want this post to turn into a NHS self help leaflet but I do want it to give you some hope.
So you're feeling numb? You're sat in silence but inside you're screaming? No one else understands right, and nothing else matters - like one big black hole? 
I want to offer some reassurance that all them emotions are completely NORMAL more than likely each person on this earth will suffer from a form of depression at least one day in their life, it's not about comparison it's about dealing with who you are and what's going on in your current mind frame. 

I know personally that when you're depressed you become mentally and physically drained, there's no hope left and you've forgotten what happiness feels like, am I right?

HOWEVER - and it's a massive however, depression is one of the most common mental illness' that can be treated and around 80% of people make a full recovery.
My best advice to you is to kick it in the butt, go see your doctor, let them help you. Its not going to happen over night, it's going to take hard work and it will be hard sometimes to not let yourself fall back into that rut, but think of what's at the end when you're well again?
The best way to start 'recovering' is acceptance and help. You have to accept that it's become a part of you but it doesn't have to stay if you don't want it to and help is more than available - depression is so treatable, you just need to believe in yourself and you'll get through it. 

I want to keep this post short and sweet this time, I'm no expert when it comes to mental illness', I can only talk about my experience and offer some friendly advice.  

- Just remember pain is temporary and nothing will last forever. That black hole you feel like you're stuck in can be eliminated, believe in yourself and go and get the help you require and deserve. There's no shame whatsoever to having depression and you're so far from alone. Just remember that.

Until next time my loves - keep that chin of yours up. All useful links and posts from this 'series' will be at the bottom!
TTFN :) xxx

SIDE NOTE! This will be the last of my 'let's have a chat' series for a while, time for some fun blog posts I think!! If you still have any suggestions I'm more than happy to write about them - until then I hope you've enjoyed them and they've managed to help at least one of you :)! 


Useful and supportive links:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/#.U9LBx_ldVzo
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/D/depression/
http://www.depressionalliance.org/  

Let's have a chat (Anxiety)

"Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) - GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event.

People with GAD feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. GAD can cause both psychological (mental) and physical symptoms. These vary from person to person, but can include feeling restless or worried and having trouble concentrating or sleeping."

So since my blog post yesterday did quite well and I got some positive feed back, I thought I'd make 'Let's have a chat' into an advice series. Like I mentioned yesterday I do not mean to be condescending in any way whatsoever, just see it as two friends having coffee. 

As I mentioned in my always running post (< which I've linked) that I recently got diagnosed with a series of things, severe anxiety disorder being one of them, which I now take daily medication for on the highest dose. 
But I don't want these posts to just be about me and my experience, obviously it'll be touched on but I'm here to try help you so lets get cracking...

Do you ever feel trapped? 
I'd be amazed if your answer was 'no, never in my life' - anxiety comes in all forms and it's basically a fancy word for worried/nervous. You often get that knot feeling in your stomach before an exam, interview or something similar - it's common and completely normal.

However anxiety ranges on a scale, like 1-10 and there will be people who suffer in small situations such as I've exampled ^ or there will be some people who can't leave their house because of it. Not only does it range but there are many different forms, most common is social. 

I know first hand that when you first start suffering with anxiety or when your head starts coming to the realisation that you might be suffering from symptoms you start freaking out more because it can be quite confusing and you're so unsure of what's happening, however I would just like to stress the best I can YOU'RE NOT ALONE, anxiety disorder is unbelievably common and it's one of the worst feelings in the world when you think you're alone and that no one will understand or comprehend what you're going through, but seriously there's so much help out there and you can even find it on the internet (I'll post some useful links).

Every body will go through a stage of anxiety in their life, however if yours has started to effect you daily, if it's causing you to isolate yourself or starting to make you antisocial I urge you to go see your GP. I know it's a scary thought, there's nothing worse than when that feeling or thought you've known for long time becomes real; but it might not be as bad as you're thinking it is. Part of it could always be linked to the worry of actually going to see your GP, you might even feel a sense of relief. On the other hand your GP might diagnose you with everything you already thought and you might be put on medication, there are many different types of anxiety medication but it's there to help, obviously some are stronger than others but no matter what it is or dosage, it's there for you - to help you. 
(It's very uncommon for them to give medication, they'd usually try a different strategy first) 

One of the most common feelings whilst suffering from anxiety is the thought of feeling trapped. You're not trapped in anything in this life, there's a way out of everything. If you're starting to panic in public or at a friends house just take yourself a way for a few minutes, either on your own or with a friend and breathe. Sounds like simple advice right? Just breathe. However it's the most effective, you need to reduce that heart rate that's just shot up and get your breathing back to a normal breath. Look at the sky, take in what you see around you, count to 40 sheep, or simply just sit down and close your eyes and focus on your body. You can get out of every situation, you can take yourself home or to somewhere you feel safe. That's the most important, making yourself feel safe and comfortable. 

Friends - If you're a friend to somebody who suffers from anxiety, patience and talking are going to have to become your best skills. You need to put yourself in the shoes of the person taking the panic/anxiety attack and realise that even if it's a hindrance to your day, they're struggling and they need you now more than before. Usually chatting away to the person who's suffering will help as it'll give their brain a different focus. Tell some rubbish jokes, tell them about your most recent one night stand or even what your mums cooking you for dinner, it really doesn't matter.  Reassurance is a huge key, they're not alone and you need to make sure they know that.

To end this post -  The longer you put off help the longer you're going to have to deal with it. Doctors are there for a reason, so give them that reason to do their job ;)

But on a more serious note; keep yourself safe, surround yourself by your nearest and dearest, don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

SIDE NOTE! I just wanted to say a massive thank you to anybody who's read my blog so far, it's only been live 23 days and already received thousands of views which is mind blowing! Also a massive thank you to Marcus for sorting out my domain name. 

If you have anything you'd like me to cover please feel free to let me know, I'm always open to suggestions :)

As always my loves, have a fantastic day, keep smiling and remember nothing lasts forever! 

Until next time - TTFN :) 

xxx 

Useful links:

NHS anxiety mental health disorder

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

My facebook: Facebook

Twitter: Tweet me

Instagram: KIRSTIE_HOWARTH

Let's have a chat (relationship)

"Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship These relationships involve feelings of liking or loving one or more people, romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual relationships, or emotional and personal support between the members. Intimate relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments."

This post is going to be a bit of personal advice post for relationships or whatever it is you're going through right now.
I've been in two serious relationships, both ended very differently and they both had their problems. When they ended it felt like the end of the world to me, I really thought I would spend my days crying and missing them all the time. Initially it was difficult; as it would be for anybody but you do get over it. If you're going through a break up right now -

1) You're not alone, make sure you're surrounded by the people who love you and care about you

2) It does get easier, one from girl to another - it gets easier. You're going to have your 'down days' but in the grand scheme of things they really aren't worth your tears because you're going to move on anyway. 

3) It's normal to miss them and you're going to want to check your phone constantly but really you're doing yourself no favours. Preoccupy yourself, do something you've always wanted to do because at the end of the day if your phone isn't going off they're not getting in touch with you either.

So on to the main advice..  

First of - you MUST be happy, whether that's with the guy you're in a relationship with, seeing and just generally in yourself. You want to be around someone who brings out the best in you and isn't making you feel low about yourself, if you're not happy with what's going on or in yourself when you're thinking about the relationship that's a clear warning sign right there. So, are you happy?

Make sure you're appreciated, I've been in a relationship myself and known of relationships were you're just not feeling appreciated. Whether that means they're looking at other girls, comparing you, making you feel self concious - that's just not acceptable. You're perfect no matter what and any guy would be lucky enough to have the chance to see that, don't get me wrong we all have our flaws but someone you're with should love you flaws n'all. Don't feel like you constantly have to better yourself or you're not meeting their 'standards' because I promise there's a guy out there who wants to give you all his love, attention and more. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate what they have in front of them.

If you're starting to question your relationship or something before it's even properly began it's not going to happen, you need to be 100% comfortable and committed. If you're having an instinct to leave or move on, just do it. That instinct is there for a reason. Are you feeling relieved when you're not with that person or in their company?   

Communication is key in a relationship, if you're not happy or you want something to change to try and make improvements as scary as it is, speak to them. As much as we'd all love to be no one is a mind reader, you can't expect things to change if you're not open with the other person.

Don't ever feel rushed, this personally is one of the worst feelings for me. There's absolutely no time frame on when you should be in a relationship, I find relationships always work best when you take your time, you don't need the added stress of feeling rushed or pressured by somebody. Expectations, if you've been seeing somebody even if it's going well or you've just had a fling but they might want something more or your friends are going on at you to make something more of it; never just do what is 'expected', weigh up your feelings and if you're not feeling comfortable or you're not ready or perhaps you tried and you just don't want it to go any further, that's okay!

And to wrap it up, trust. With out a doubt the single most important factor when you're involved with somebody. Trust is a very sensitive, fragile emotion and logical act, you really don't want to lose that in a relationship because you're going to start questioning everything and driving yourself insane. If the trust is gone out of your relationship, walk away - it's only time before you start being super paranoid, questioning them and yourself. You can never regain trust - especially if it's been lost through cheating, as hard as you want to try you're always going to have that voice in the back of your head.

I hope this post doesn't come across as condescending - I'm by no means an expert in relationships, just see this as some advice that I would give you if we were two friends sat drinking coffee.

Everybody deserves to be happy, respected and appreciated - trust me there's somebody who will make you feel them three things and more. There's no shame in being hurt and there's no guilt in breaking up with somebody. At the end of the day it's you who has to live with yourself so be kind to yourself and make sure you're happy!

Until next time my loves, I really do hope you can take something small from this -
TTFN :)
xxx

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