Keeping the fire burning...

 "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."-Oprah Winfrey

So recently I had a very good and close friend of mine open up a little bit about his current situation with his girlfriend, for obvious reasons I have to keep him anonymous - but the main 'problem' in their relationship right now is that she isn't happy with the lack of passion between the two of them.

Relationships are like a full time job, even for those who have found their soul mates struggle at the best of times. Unfortunately humans aren't robots who can be programmed to exactly what we like/want out of them. No body is a mind reader and there's times in EVERY relationship that the pair of you are going to mess up, even if it's over something as trivial as buying the wrong brand of beans; it doesn't take much to set someone off, especially if they've had a lot going on in their head recently. 

Back to my friend - so, like I mentioned he came to me with this problem and just to have a little bit of chat.
Now I've never been asked on advice for passion before, when he text me I was little stuck in answering, so I asked more questions whilst I had a good think of some advice I could possibly offer...

If you're struggling in a relationship right now, or you're trying to handle the same problem as this one here are my tips that I think could potentially help...

1. Show your love in small, adventurous ways - 
Everybody loves something spontaneous, especially women. I don't think I know anybody who wouldn't love to come home to a little note on their pillow, or hidden somewhere they're going to find it easily. Bring home something sentimental you know they're going to love, even if it's their favourite packet of sweets, cook dinner for them - something they've said they have felt like for ages but haven't got round to making. You'd be surprised how much of an impact the little gestures can make. 

2. Shake, shake, shake, shake, a' shaaaaake it! 
Who doesn't like to rock the boat a little bit some times?  You need to push through the 'I'm fed up' barrier that's going on right now. Try something new, take up an activity or hobby together. Even going for a day trip and having a picnic is something that gets you both out of the house. Go see a play, a comedy show or if it's on a tight budget - cook something brand new together, learn together and achieve together.

3. Be generous with your praise - 
This applies to both sides of the relationship. 'You look absolutely beautiful/handsome baby'. Now come on, who doesn't like to hear that? Feeling appreciated is one of the main keys in a relationship, especially if one of you isn't feeling so 'hot' so to speak. Even manners are a massive thing, saying 'thank you' or just offering a hug once they've done something for you is special. Acknowledge and value your partner, show them how much you appreciate them in your own unique ways - and I'm sure they'd be very grateful for it.

4. Create an intimate time - 
We all become so surrounded and drowned with technology and social media. It's easier these days to just text somebody something rather than discussing it in person. Something I've seen often in a relationship, is the two people sat their both on their phones and only communicating if they see something they feel the need to comment on, on Facebook. That is not healthy under any circumstances. 
Pack it in! Put your phones away in a draw or turn them off, either or.. And just enjoy each others company, put your favourite film on that has made you both laugh numerous times and cuddle up with a good drink and some goodies! It's going to do no harm to you or your social media status if you don't go on-line or post a status for one whole night! Cherish the time you get to spend together. Obviously I know it's healthy to have that balance, it's important to have your own space and your own time; but if this is becoming a regular problem and communication is starting to die down, rectify it whilst you still can. 

5. Communication: Clearly, honestly and frequently.
 My last 'tip'; I've probably mentioned this a thousand times already when I'm giving relationship advice, however I don't think there is anything more important than them 3 mini points. You can't get anywhere with that frog in your throat.. sorry I can't understand you properly! Clear that throat, know what you want to say and what the problem is or something you'd like to change, take a deep breath and go for it! You will feel so relived afterwards, there's nothing worse than something eating you up inside.
Honesty. Sorry I don't remember the last time lies worked in a relationship, do you? Honesty is MASSIVE, let me repeat M-A-S-S-I-V-E. How do you expect any relationship to work if it's build up on lies and manipulation? Nip that in the butt right now, honesty is the best policy and you might actually get somewhere if you tell the truth and you're honest with your partner.
Frequency. Don't let things build up inside, you owe it to yourself to let your feelings out and you owe the respect to them to share what you're feeling. If you don't frequently open up one day you're going to explode and that might just be that one push too far...

Thank you for reading, like I often say read this as myself talking to you over a coffee in a friendly way. Think about your situation and now put your best friend in your shoes, what would you say to them if their relationship is struggling? 

Respect yourself, don't just stick around if the flames gone out. You deserve the best, do you hear me? The absolute best lovely :)!

Until next time my loves,

TTFN xxx

Let's have a chat (relationship)

"Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship These relationships involve feelings of liking or loving one or more people, romance, physical or sexual attraction, sexual relationships, or emotional and personal support between the members. Intimate relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments."

This post is going to be a bit of personal advice post for relationships or whatever it is you're going through right now.
I've been in two serious relationships, both ended very differently and they both had their problems. When they ended it felt like the end of the world to me, I really thought I would spend my days crying and missing them all the time. Initially it was difficult; as it would be for anybody but you do get over it. If you're going through a break up right now -

1) You're not alone, make sure you're surrounded by the people who love you and care about you

2) It does get easier, one from girl to another - it gets easier. You're going to have your 'down days' but in the grand scheme of things they really aren't worth your tears because you're going to move on anyway. 

3) It's normal to miss them and you're going to want to check your phone constantly but really you're doing yourself no favours. Preoccupy yourself, do something you've always wanted to do because at the end of the day if your phone isn't going off they're not getting in touch with you either.

So on to the main advice..  

First of - you MUST be happy, whether that's with the guy you're in a relationship with, seeing and just generally in yourself. You want to be around someone who brings out the best in you and isn't making you feel low about yourself, if you're not happy with what's going on or in yourself when you're thinking about the relationship that's a clear warning sign right there. So, are you happy?

Make sure you're appreciated, I've been in a relationship myself and known of relationships were you're just not feeling appreciated. Whether that means they're looking at other girls, comparing you, making you feel self concious - that's just not acceptable. You're perfect no matter what and any guy would be lucky enough to have the chance to see that, don't get me wrong we all have our flaws but someone you're with should love you flaws n'all. Don't feel like you constantly have to better yourself or you're not meeting their 'standards' because I promise there's a guy out there who wants to give you all his love, attention and more. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate what they have in front of them.

If you're starting to question your relationship or something before it's even properly began it's not going to happen, you need to be 100% comfortable and committed. If you're having an instinct to leave or move on, just do it. That instinct is there for a reason. Are you feeling relieved when you're not with that person or in their company?   

Communication is key in a relationship, if you're not happy or you want something to change to try and make improvements as scary as it is, speak to them. As much as we'd all love to be no one is a mind reader, you can't expect things to change if you're not open with the other person.

Don't ever feel rushed, this personally is one of the worst feelings for me. There's absolutely no time frame on when you should be in a relationship, I find relationships always work best when you take your time, you don't need the added stress of feeling rushed or pressured by somebody. Expectations, if you've been seeing somebody even if it's going well or you've just had a fling but they might want something more or your friends are going on at you to make something more of it; never just do what is 'expected', weigh up your feelings and if you're not feeling comfortable or you're not ready or perhaps you tried and you just don't want it to go any further, that's okay!

And to wrap it up, trust. With out a doubt the single most important factor when you're involved with somebody. Trust is a very sensitive, fragile emotion and logical act, you really don't want to lose that in a relationship because you're going to start questioning everything and driving yourself insane. If the trust is gone out of your relationship, walk away - it's only time before you start being super paranoid, questioning them and yourself. You can never regain trust - especially if it's been lost through cheating, as hard as you want to try you're always going to have that voice in the back of your head.

I hope this post doesn't come across as condescending - I'm by no means an expert in relationships, just see this as some advice that I would give you if we were two friends sat drinking coffee.

Everybody deserves to be happy, respected and appreciated - trust me there's somebody who will make you feel them three things and more. There's no shame in being hurt and there's no guilt in breaking up with somebody. At the end of the day it's you who has to live with yourself so be kind to yourself and make sure you're happy!

Until next time my loves, I really do hope you can take something small from this -
TTFN :)
xxx

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