Wake up and live! (Dealing with depression)

You're worth everything.

So since the unfortunate death of Robin Williams and his suicide; depression has come to light a bit more with the surrounding media and fortunately people are starting to speak up about it a little bit more than before.

What I've noticed from browsing social media and from doing some research recently is that a lot of people who are posting about their depression or just taking the first step and admitting that they suffer or have done in the past all seem to write: 'I'm not ashamed any more'. 

- First off depression isn't something to feel ashamed of, it's one the most common mental illness' in the world and it comes and goes in all of us. Some more than others, granted. But still all of us. Some times it can last for just a short period of time; for example, if something has happened in your life recently like the loss of a loved one. And sometimes it can hang around a little longer than we'd care for. It's like that bad smell in your fridge which you can never seem to find what food is causing it. 

I've written a post about depression before which can be found (HERE) so I'll try not to be too repetitive. In that post I spoke mainly about the facts of depression and looked a little closer to the figures.
I haven't planned this post in the way I would usually plan one, it's just come to mind and I'd like to regroup with you all a little bit.

Okay so with out rambling as best I can, I want you to see this post as I'm envisioning it in my head - two friends over a coffee and you've come to talk to me so we can have a heart to heart.

I suffer from depression. Yeah; if you hadn't of already guessed from my previous post I am now typing it out load. Back in June - June 30th to be more pacific I went to my doctor and cried my little heart out and left the surgery diagnosed with a series of illness' one of which being 'severe depression'.
Do you think I am a weaker person now for telling you that? I'd like to hope not.
A lot of people hide behind it and try and shove it into the back of their wardrobe, tip a load of clothes on top of it and pretend it's not there.
I did that too. It's taken me almost 3 months to be able to type that out loud and one of the main reasons for my blog was so that I could come here and get everything out of my head and into words for you guys to read - if you wish to.

However, those clothes will only last a certain amount of time before they get creased and have that funny clothes smell. You know when you can smell they're full of dust? So eventually you're going to have to take them out and hang them out to air one day.
That's how I see depression, not just in myself but in the others around me.
It's something we're all so afraid of, afraid of admitting, talking about, and even showing. But one day you've got to air it out - I'm sure you'll feel better for it eventually.

So why do people feel so ashamed to say they suffer? If you're asking me that question I'd say because it's a 'typical illness' a lot of people think anybody can get away with saying they have - just for some attention (which will bring me on to my next point in a mo!).
It's not plastered up in a cast, there isn't a massive bandage wrapped round it or an ice pack sitting on top of it to take away the swelling - ergo it's something you have to admit to people, it's something you have to bring up and actually speak about.
No one can sign your mind with a black marker pen and write 'Get well soon buddy'.
It's all in the mind, it takes up the space you let it inhabit.

"They're just saying it for attention, it's all bull" - this is one of my main pet peeves when it comes to this generation. Unless you can write on somebody's cast in that black marker pen, it mustn't exist.
But can I just stress as best I can without going off on a angry tangent - EVEN if somebody is doing it just for attention, that speaks volumes too! Why do they feel the need to create illness' just to get some attention? That's an illness' in itself and you have to tread very carefully when you're going to start pointing the finger and deciding you know somebody better than themselves.
Lets say it is just attention seeking behaviour that's a cry for help in itself. Step back and realise the severity of what they're saying.
I know people who do just come up with 'illness'' for attention - there is a massive difference in somebody claiming to have every illness under the sun to someone finally speaking up, even if they do generally seem happy - depression can still happen in the happiest of minds.

The road to recovery - This is the hardest path you're probably ever having to walk down, however there will be a time in your life when you reach the end of it. I can only give so much reassurance through a blog post unfortunately, but I just want to stress to the maximum - you're not alone lovely. It's a common illness and there is help available if you're willing to use it. "You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves" . 
Grab hold of what ever it is that makes you happy and cherish it - go for walks, take up a new hobby, spend more time with your loved ones.
Mainly, just appreciate your place on this earth, you're worth so much more than all your negative thoughts. You're beautiful from the core and outwards, you were brought in to this world to shine so do it and don't give up on yourself.
I understand you're going to have your bad days and everything might seem dark now but step back and look at what's around you, whether it's your other half, kids, best friends or just something you enjoy.
Take all that negative energy that's so tiring and channel it into positivity. It may seem hard at first but you'll find your feet soon enough.

Yes the world is big and scary, and it's so judgemental - understood. But you're better than anyone else's judgement. The only opinion that matters about you, is yours. So give yourself a break and work on that :)!

Thank you for reading. Just remember to keep smiling - you're beautiful!

Lots of love.
TTFN!
xxx

Let go of the bad to make way for the good

As human beings it's hard to be 100% happy all the time, if not impossible. We get bad news, sad news or just down right heart breaking news day to day or when we least expect it, no matter when it is, it's can some times feel like a constant struggle to perk yourself up. You're often sat asking yourself or someone near and dear when is it going to be over? When will the light at the end of the tunnel finally blind your eyes with happiness?

Happiness is a tricky one. It can come as easily as it can disappear, they're all types of happiness. Whether it's from your close friends and family, to having your dream job or even being spoilt by your other half with Christian Louboutins or just something cheeky like your favourite packet of sweets. It really does arrive in all shapes and sizes with a little bow on the top. 

And then there's something I've named minipulation happiness. It's the happiness that happens usually over a love interest or a 'close' friend and it's when you're in the frame of mind that they make you happy when actually all they do is make you a living misery and everybody around you can see it. They say love is blind, that I truly believe. 

-- This is the false sense of happiness which turns more into need. You feel like you need this person, or like they've cast a spell on you! Usually this type of false happiness/sense of need will happen after a break up or a certain incidences' depending on your situation. 

But no matter how much you think you need this person, ask yourself; are they really making me happy? 

Truly happy.. Do they have you crying of a night or turning your friends against you? 

I won't lie, I'm guilty of allowing this to happen to me. Sometimes you don't realise it's even happening until you take a step back. You need to put your happiness (solo happiness) first. Realise you don't need them and you're better off, trust me - - the world won't stop spinning, even if they're not around. 

Usually you can find happiness in the smallest of things, just the things you get nothing but enjoyment out of. It's helpful to remind yourself of this from time to time. Just so you don't leave yourself short. 

What makes you happy without relying on other people? 

Mine would definitely be; Horses, my cat Molly, animals in general, hot chocolate, The Sims, freshly painted nails, candles, duvet days, new pjs, log fires, long walks, slippers, the country side, arm chairs, bungalows, rich tea and reading Alice in Wonderland. 

Can you tell I'm 20 going on 60? Just call me Nana K! 

It can sometimes be the most simplistic which can make you happy and you just need to remind yourself. So if you're having a rough time or feeling a little low, do what makes you happy and puts a smile on your face, just for you. Without worrying about other people, just be there for yourself; you might even thank yourself for it afterwards. 

Always try and think of the positive even if you don't think you can. You've got to find the light even when you're at your darkest. 

Thank you for reading, until next time my loves 

TTFN <3 

Also.. 

How can you not look at this photo and just be happy? 

Bye now! Xxx

Let's have a chat (Self - confidence)

"Sense of worth and self - confidence come when you accept yourself as you are. Not when you're trying to be what other people expect."

Lack of self - confidence can be something you experience any time in your life, at any age. There are many different forms depending on what you're self concious about and it can effect you in simple every day life. Whether it's about your weight, height, skin tone, age - the possibilities are really endless.
Self confidence issues are a tricky one to tackle since it really is all in your head, it might of been brought on by bullying or just from your own thoughts and insecurities but it really only is you who has the power to change it.

There's a lot of pressure in today's society to be 'perfect' but really, what is perfect? I can imagine your answer to be different to mine, or to the next person you ask. There really is no definition because we all have our own set of eyes and we all see things differently. 

I have suffered from a lack of self confidence, I don't want to touch on that too much though because it's not really relevant; so what is relevant you ask?  
Its what you see in yourself, it's everything you have to offer this world - with out sounding super cringe and cliché but you actually only get one life, and do you want to spend it hiding under a rock or showing the world what you're made of?

Them people you walked past in town before who looked you up and down, do you really think they care? There are 7.046 billion people in this world and do you really want to let one insignificant person matter? 

Like I mentioned there's no real 'cure' for self confidence it really is what you see in yourself. And at the end of the day, your opinion is the only opinion that truly matters - I know that's a lot easier said than done right, but you were put on this world to make something of it, if there really is something you don't like change it. 

Appreciate who you are, you're beautiful - everybody is in their own unique way, because that's what we are we're unique and everybody has the right to be what body size they are, what height and skin tone they are. Who is anybody else to put you down? 
- Just remember if somebody has a judgement to make, it says a lot more about them than it does about yourself. Rise above it, show them, wear that crop top or that red lipstick and f***ing own it! 

There are a lot of self confidence books which you can read if you really are struggling, but tomorrow is a fresh start and I urge you to make the most of - do something you wouldn't normally do, wear something you wouldn't usually wear or you've been too afraid to try on - realistically it's only you holding yourself back.

In the wise words of my mother and probably everybody else's parent's -
"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

And on that note my loves, it's been a pleasure and I hope this helps at least one of you - might not cure your confidence but it gives you something to think of and hopefully you'll take something out of it. 

Have a good weekend and I'll post on monday - all my other posts and etc. are linked below, show some love :)

Until next time guys,
TTFN! xxx

Facebook 
Twitter
Instagram: kirstie_howarth 

Useful links: 
http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/confidence.html

Let's have a chat (Anxiety)

"Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) - GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event.

People with GAD feel anxious most days and often struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. GAD can cause both psychological (mental) and physical symptoms. These vary from person to person, but can include feeling restless or worried and having trouble concentrating or sleeping."

So since my blog post yesterday did quite well and I got some positive feed back, I thought I'd make 'Let's have a chat' into an advice series. Like I mentioned yesterday I do not mean to be condescending in any way whatsoever, just see it as two friends having coffee. 

As I mentioned in my always running post (< which I've linked) that I recently got diagnosed with a series of things, severe anxiety disorder being one of them, which I now take daily medication for on the highest dose. 
But I don't want these posts to just be about me and my experience, obviously it'll be touched on but I'm here to try help you so lets get cracking...

Do you ever feel trapped? 
I'd be amazed if your answer was 'no, never in my life' - anxiety comes in all forms and it's basically a fancy word for worried/nervous. You often get that knot feeling in your stomach before an exam, interview or something similar - it's common and completely normal.

However anxiety ranges on a scale, like 1-10 and there will be people who suffer in small situations such as I've exampled ^ or there will be some people who can't leave their house because of it. Not only does it range but there are many different forms, most common is social. 

I know first hand that when you first start suffering with anxiety or when your head starts coming to the realisation that you might be suffering from symptoms you start freaking out more because it can be quite confusing and you're so unsure of what's happening, however I would just like to stress the best I can YOU'RE NOT ALONE, anxiety disorder is unbelievably common and it's one of the worst feelings in the world when you think you're alone and that no one will understand or comprehend what you're going through, but seriously there's so much help out there and you can even find it on the internet (I'll post some useful links).

Every body will go through a stage of anxiety in their life, however if yours has started to effect you daily, if it's causing you to isolate yourself or starting to make you antisocial I urge you to go see your GP. I know it's a scary thought, there's nothing worse than when that feeling or thought you've known for long time becomes real; but it might not be as bad as you're thinking it is. Part of it could always be linked to the worry of actually going to see your GP, you might even feel a sense of relief. On the other hand your GP might diagnose you with everything you already thought and you might be put on medication, there are many different types of anxiety medication but it's there to help, obviously some are stronger than others but no matter what it is or dosage, it's there for you - to help you. 
(It's very uncommon for them to give medication, they'd usually try a different strategy first) 

One of the most common feelings whilst suffering from anxiety is the thought of feeling trapped. You're not trapped in anything in this life, there's a way out of everything. If you're starting to panic in public or at a friends house just take yourself a way for a few minutes, either on your own or with a friend and breathe. Sounds like simple advice right? Just breathe. However it's the most effective, you need to reduce that heart rate that's just shot up and get your breathing back to a normal breath. Look at the sky, take in what you see around you, count to 40 sheep, or simply just sit down and close your eyes and focus on your body. You can get out of every situation, you can take yourself home or to somewhere you feel safe. That's the most important, making yourself feel safe and comfortable. 

Friends - If you're a friend to somebody who suffers from anxiety, patience and talking are going to have to become your best skills. You need to put yourself in the shoes of the person taking the panic/anxiety attack and realise that even if it's a hindrance to your day, they're struggling and they need you now more than before. Usually chatting away to the person who's suffering will help as it'll give their brain a different focus. Tell some rubbish jokes, tell them about your most recent one night stand or even what your mums cooking you for dinner, it really doesn't matter.  Reassurance is a huge key, they're not alone and you need to make sure they know that.

To end this post -  The longer you put off help the longer you're going to have to deal with it. Doctors are there for a reason, so give them that reason to do their job ;)

But on a more serious note; keep yourself safe, surround yourself by your nearest and dearest, don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

SIDE NOTE! I just wanted to say a massive thank you to anybody who's read my blog so far, it's only been live 23 days and already received thousands of views which is mind blowing! Also a massive thank you to Marcus for sorting out my domain name. 

If you have anything you'd like me to cover please feel free to let me know, I'm always open to suggestions :)

As always my loves, have a fantastic day, keep smiling and remember nothing lasts forever! 

Until next time - TTFN :) 

xxx 

Useful links:

NHS anxiety mental health disorder

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

My facebook: Facebook

Twitter: Tweet me

Instagram: KIRSTIE_HOWARTH

Always running

Recently I got diagonsed with some serious stuff and put on life time medication, so is this the definition of who I am now, a pyhsco who has to pop pills every day to make it through? I'd like to think not! 

I don't know about yourself but I often stress, the saying 'don't sweat the small stuff' doesn't play well with me and I sweat everything, even things as superficial as 'a cup of tea or a cup of coffee?' - big question right there I know. However even small questions such as still manage to find a way to give me a headache. 

I'm never any good at confrontation, unless I have a major point to make, I'm awful at goodbyes and even worse at decision making, so I run. 

Whenever I get stressed out or start to panic, something in my mind tells me to leave - I have no idea when this little action sprung into play, however it looks like it's here to stay (unfortunately my bank balance isn't loving it). 

So I wonder how do you handle stress? Does screaming at the top of your lungs help or maybe putting your fist through your bedroom wall? Because any advice that doesn't involve me going up and down the uk like a mad woman would be greatly appreciated. 

If I'm honest I'm not entirely too sure where this post is going, I just wanted to offer some reassurance that sometimes it's okay to be scared, and it's okay to feel trapped and like you're letting everybody down - it's a part of growing and allowing yourself to make mistakes and earn some valuable life lessons. 

I seen this post once and I live by it strongly now "No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of anxiety can shape the future" so whenever you're feeling low or your panicking, take a second to think about it - get yourself out of the situation in the safest way possible and try not to hurt everybody around you (I seem to be a pro at that ha). 

Sorry this was such a deep and personal post but I'd like to think it sometimes good to share what's going on in your head, and if you can't say it out loud then write it down, even if nobody ever see' it, something's really aren't worth the worry because tomorrow is always a fresh start (ooooh deep right?) 

I hope this was a good read or even a little laugh at my dispense; however it feels good. 

So until next time - 

TTFN!